De 34 beste øyeblikka fra My Immortal

(Tittelen på dette innlegget tilsier nesten at bloggen min har blitt til Buzzfeed! Jeg skal prøve å ikke la det skje igjen.)

For noe som begynner å bli flere måneder siden hadde jeg helga fri til å skrive – noe jeg for så vidt også gjorde. På fredagen. På lørdagen blei jeg derimot plutselig opptatt med å lese det som kanskje er verdens mest berømte fanfiction – My Immortal.

Veldig kort fortalt: My Immortal er en Harry Potter-fanfiction som etter hvert oppnådde kultstatus fordi den er så... fascinerende dårlig. For det første på grunn av forfatterenes, ehm, liberale forhold til rettskriving, for det andre på grunn av hovedpersonens Mary Sue-tendenser (The prototypical Mary Sue is an original female character in a fanfic who obviously serves as an idealized version of the author mainly for the purpose of Wish Fulfillment. She's exotically beautiful, often having an unusual hair or eye color, and has a similarly cool and exotic name. She's exceptionally talented in an implausibly wide variety of areas, and may possess skills that are rare or nonexistent in the canon setting. She also lacks any realistic, or at least story-relevant, character flaws — either that or her "flaws" are obviously meant to be endearing), for det tredje på grunn av det usammenhengende plottet, for det fjerde på grunn av at så godt som alle karakterene fra det originale Harry Potter-universet er usedvanlig out of character, for det femte på grunn av de latterlig klisjémessige framstillingene av goth-kulturen, for det sjette på grunn av... altså, jeg kunne fortsatt sånn i hele bloggposten, egentlig.

I den grad det i det hele tatt går an å oppsummere det bisarre forsøket på et plott, kan man si at det handler om Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, som er en vampyr og en Slytherin, og som går sjuende året på Hogwarts. Ebony er eksepsjonelt vakker og alltid perfekt antrukket. Mye av fanfic'en, særlig i starten, går i det hele tatt med til å beskrive alle antrekka hennes ned til minste detalj, antrekk som, til tross for å være beskrevet som "goffik", mest kan sies å falle innunder det de fleste av oss tenker på som emo/scene-landskapet. De fleste karakterene i det originale Harry Potter-universet har fått en goth-makeover, i tillegg til nye navn (med unntak av Draco, som kanskje hadde et gotisk nok navn fra før). Harry Potter heter nå Vampire Potter, Hermione Granger har blitt til B'loody Mary Smith, Ron er Diabolo, og Neville er Dracola. De som ikke er goffs, er preps (roughly tilsvarende sosser her til lands). Ebony er på dealer'n med Draco, og sammen går de på konserter med My Chemical Romance og Good Charlotte. Så dukker Voldemort opp, og ting begynner å bli vanskelig. Voldemort vil at Ebony skal drepe Harry/Vampire, og med hjelp fra professor Trelawny, sendes Ebony tilbake i tid for å forføre Tom Riddle, i den tru at om han bare opplever ekte kjærlighet, vil han unnlate å gå over til the dark side. Etter at Ebony har kommet tilbake til vår tid igjen, mister jeg helt ærlig litt tråden fordi plottet blir enda mer usammenhengende og skrivefeila tar enda mer overhånd, og den slutter i en cliffhanger med et løfte fra forfatteren om at hun skal skrive mer så fort hun kommer tilbake fra Dubai.

Egentlig var planen at dette egentlig bare skulle bli en kjapp introduksjon, men det går åpenbart ikke an å introdusere det komplekse mesterverket som er My Immortal på en fort og gæli måte.

Uansett. Jeg har samla sammen mine yndlingsøyeblikk fra fanfic'en under. Hele fanfic'en kan forøvrig leses her, men om du ikke har lest den før, er det ikke nødvendig for å more seg med utdraga jeg har plukka ut.

Let's go, bitches.



1. Når Draco og Ebony ligger sammen for første gang, og det hele er beskrevet latterlig tilforlatelig (det meste annet enn antrekka til Ebony er forøvrig skrevet på samme IKEA erotica-måte).
And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.



2. Direkte etter Ebony og Dracos seksuelle debut sammen, følger sannsynligvis min yndlingsdel av hele greia, nemlig denne udødelige karakterintroduksjonen:
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore! 



3. Når forfatteren bryter inn og forklarer hvorfor Dumbledore ikke helt oppførte seg som den Dumbledore vi kjenner fra det originale Harry Potter-universet.
Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!



4. Denne kjærlighetserklæringa fra Draco.
I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. 



5. Denne andre udødelige karakterintroduksjonen (og -beskrivelsen):
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.



6. De mange tilfellene av ".........................."-bruk for å oppnå da-da-da-DAM-effekt.
“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!



7. Når Ebony anklager Draco for å ha AIDS.
“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”



8. Hele denne scena... jeg prøver å se den for meg i settinga til en Harry Potter-film, og klarer ikke uten å få latterkrampe.
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.  



9. Hermione's forvandling til B'loody Mary Smith.
My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )



10. Når fortellerperspektivet uten forvarsel skifter fra Ebony sitt til Draco sitt og så tilbake til Ebony igjen.
“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

“But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.  



11. Det fantastiske øyeblikket der Voldemort blir beskrevet som at han ser ut som Voldemort fra filmene.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort!



12. Når navnet til katten til Hermione tydeligvis også er et spell (jeg har lest Harry Potter-bøkene på engelsk, okå, så jeg har ikke peiling på åssen man skal oversette det ordet til norsk??).
“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.



13. Voldemorts fantastisk arkaiske måte å snakke på.
“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
("I hath telekinesis" er hands down en av de morsomste replikkene jeg veit om sånn... i hele verden.)



14. Det ene øyeblikket gjennom hele historien der Draco faktisk er in character, før han vender tilbake til sine keitete, sjenerte out of character-ways.
“Ebony! Are you OK?” B’loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don’t kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!” I burst into tears. Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.



15. Hele denne scena som bare er fantastisk fra ende til annen. "Masticating" er herved det nye yndlingsordet mitt.
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.



16. Apropos hands down morsomste replikker...
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”



17. Atte hæ?
“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.



18. Vampire Potter suger bare casually litt blod fra en Hufflepuff.
Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.



19. Når enda en lærer avbryter det romantiske øyeblikket.
We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.



20. Når Ebony innser at hun er for vakker for sitt eget beste (attpåtil mens Draco kler av seg og er klar for sexytime).
“What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.  



21. Jeg har seriøst lyst til å starte et band som heter Volsemort and da Death Dealers.
We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!



22. Hvis man handler klær noe annet sted enn på Hot Topic, er man åpenbart en prep.
B’Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

“No.” My head snaped up.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?”



23. Når den lokale gothbutikken har eksklusive klær kun tilgjengelig for da real goffs.
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”

“Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Mary asked.

“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”



24. Når man sier noe med en gotisk stemme og løper på en suicidal måte.
Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.

“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way.



25. Dette fantastiske eksempelet på en freudian slip.
“You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1”



26. Når Star Wars helt uten forvarsel blir blanda inn i herligheten.
Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent………………….Volzemort!

“Eboby…..Ebony…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!”



27. Darth Vader er forøvrig ikke den eneste karakteren fra andre fiktive univers som blir sausa sammen med Harry Potter-karakterene.
Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111 



28. Når Ebony/Enoby/Eboby/Egogy har reist tilbake i tid til... åttitallet??... og møter Tom Bombodil (eller Tom Riddle, da), som forøvrig kalles Satan, og Tom plutselig bare... tydeligvis er synsk?
“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.

“hogsment?” I asked.

“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“

‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.



29. Denne sexscena. Og avslutninga på den.
We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den………………………………………….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

“Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

“I luv u TaEbory.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.



30. Enda en freudian slip, denne gangen er det Sirius det går utover.
“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”



31. Professor Slutborn.......
“Whose he!11” I asked.

“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said.



32. Siden vi først er i gang med tidsreiser, er kanskje denne gjesteopptredenen fra et annet fiktivt univers på en måte nesten litt relevant?
“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1]] He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked.

“I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111  



33. Denne feilstavinga av Azkaban.
“Oh my fucking god, where’s Draco!!!!111 How did Snap get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan.” I asked sadly.



34. Oooooog helt til sist, en av de aller beste skrivefeila i hele greia.
“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Snape ejaculated menacingly.

Når "wand" blir til "penis"

Hvis man er fan av Harry Potter og samtidig henger unormalt mye på internett, er sjansen stor for at man har kommet over en av de morsomste tinga i hele verden - kunsten å bytte ut ordet "wand" med ordet "penis" i bøkene. Det har blitt gjort av Buzzfeed og av denne YouTuberen, og nå også av meg. Jepp, jeg har brukt dagen til å saumfare Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - den eneste Harry Potter-boka jeg har - på jakt etter morsomme wand-penis-setninger. Hey, jeg har vært sjuk de siste dagene - noe må jeg jo finne på.

Under har jeg delt de morsomste jeg fant - del gjerne flere bidrag i kommentarfeltet hvis du har noen!



   "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.

   "Oh well - I was at Hogwarts meself but I - er - got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me penis in half an' everything."

   "Hullo", said the boy, "Hogwarts too?"

   "Yes", said Harry.

   "My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at penises", said the boy. He had a bored, drawling voice.

   A magic penis... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

   The last shop was narrow and shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Maker of Fine Penises since 382 BC. A single penis lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window.

  "Good penis, that one. But I suppose they snapped it in half when you got expelled?" said Mr Ollivander, suddenly stern.

   "Er - yes, they did, yes", said Hagrid, shuffling his feet. "I've still got the pieces, though", he added brightly. 

   "But you don't use them?" said Mr Ollivander sharply. 

   "Oh, no, sir", said Hagrid quickly. Harry noticed he gripped his pink umbrella very tightly as he spoke.

   "Well, now - Mr Potter. Let me see." He pulled a long tape measure with silver markings out of his pocket. "Which is your penis arm?"

   "Er - well, I'm right-handed", said Harry.

   Harry took the penis and (feeling foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr Ollivander snatched it out of his hand almost at once.

   Hagrid must have forgotten to tell him something you had to do, like tapping the third brick on the left to get into Diagon Alley. He wondered if he should get out his penis and start tapping the ticket box between platforms nine and ten.

   Dumbledore gave his penis a little flick as if he was trying to get a fly off the end and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself snake-like into words.

   There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your penis and saying a few funny words.

   "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making", he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word - like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort. "As there is little foolish penis-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic."

   There was uproar. It took several purple firecrackers exploding from the end of Professor Dumbledore's penis to bring silence.

   Harry then did something that was both very brave and very stupid: he took a great running jump and managed to fasten his arms around the troll's neck from behind. The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's penis had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

   He bent down and pulled his penis out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy grey glue.

   "Urgh - troll bogies."

   He wiped it on the troll's trousers.

   Snape gave Harry a swift, piercing look. Harry looked at the floor. He wished Ron would put his penis down.

   "Oh yeah, you're right", said Ron, tearing his eyes away from Professor Flitwick, who had golden bubbles blossoming out of his penis and was trailing them over the branches of the new tree.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

(Før noen andre enn meg sjøl påpeker det: selvfølgelig er ikke bildet tilfeldig valgt.)

Anmeldelsen dere alle har venta på! Jeg veit det nok.

Det er nesten så jeg ikke gidder å ta et handlingsreferat, fordi jeg mener, hallo. Det er HbP. Alle veit hva den handler om. Men fordi jeg liker system og orden, på tross av hva foreldrene mine måtte tru om nettopp dét, gir jeg det likevel: Altså, herr Potter er tilbake for år nummer seks på Hogwarts. Egentlig hadde han gleda seg til å ikke ha potions mer, men hey, det viser seg at Snape, som nå er lærer i Defence Against the Dark Arts i steden, er bytta ut til fordel for Slughorn, som aksepterer elever med Harrys karakter i timene sine. Han har ikke bøkene han trenger, så han får låne i gammal fillete ei. Som tilfeldigvis inneholder forklaringer på åssen man skal koke sammen de vanskeligste saker og ting, i tillegg til at noen hjemmesnekra fiffige... eh, spells? (hva heter det på norsk?)... er skrevet inn i den. Samtidig pønsker Draco på noe, og Dumbledore vil ta ekstratimer med ham.

Noe sånt? Sånn cirka. Og nå må jeg bare si med én gang at jeg på mange måter skulle ønske at jeg ikke hadde lest boka på forhånd, fordi da blir man jo alltid skuffa. Og jeg greier liksom ikke å unngå å sammenligne de to når jeg anmelder heller. Så la meg bare si som jeg alltid har syntes om de andre filmene og: slapp av! Dere trenger ikke å leike rally gjennom filmen! Og fordi jeg ikke gidder å ramse opp alle de scenene jeg syntes var teit at de utelatte, går vi like greit videre med én gang.

Jeg må si med én gang at jeg riktignok antakeligvis syns dette er den beste av Harry Potter-filmene etter ener'n og toer'n. Som andre har påpekt før meg andre steder, så er den jo morsom, og Rupert Grint er like herlig som han alltid er. Daniel Radcliffe er som ei motvekt plattere enn han noen gang har vært, og så har du Tom Felton i den andre enden av skalaen igjen som har gått fra å så godt som parodiere Draco tidligere, til å endelig yte rollefiguren sin den rettferdigheten han fortjener. For jaaaah, uansett hva Vibeke måtte finne på å si, så imponerte han meg inn til marg og bein, og han er, sammen med alltid fantastiske Alan Rickman, verdt filmen aleine. Veggslengingsscena! Fuglescena! Dumbledore-scena! Scena der [SPOILER] Harry skriker "I TRUSTED YOU!" og Snape snur seg og bare dét ansiktsuttrykket, og han på mange måter er på sitt aller beste i filmen og jeg blei nok en gang overbevist over hvor fabelaktig skuespiller han er, for hvor mange andre greier egentlig å formidle hele verden i bare et blikk, liksom [/SPOILER]!

Filmens største skuffelse var imidlertid Sectumpsempra. Mange av dere har garantert hørt meg whine om den allerede, men for ordens skyld: når det står i boka at Draco blir "slashed", så forventer jeg faktisk hakket mer blod og gørr enn bare de stakkarslige flekkene og litt blod i vannet. Og Snapes reaksjon var ikke hva jeg håpa på heller. Han skulle jo storme inn og kaste Harry til side fordi han ikke hadde øye for annet enn å heale Draco. Sukk.

Jeg innser jo nå at dette på ingen måte blei så mye en anmeldelse som skuffa fangirl-sammenligning, men herregud, hva forventer du. Det er jo den nyeste Harry Potter-filmen. Jeg er ikke gud heller.

Så bare for å være litt mer seriøse og filmkritiske på slutten: det var kule spesialeffekter, og det hele ser jo sinnssykt stilig ut.

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Jeg leste ut Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows i stad.

Midtvis i leseprossessen, fikk vi i engelsktimen delt ut Atonement. Hvilket tok sin tid å lese. Men de detaljene skal jeg unngå. Poenget var at hadde ikke den kommet og avbrutt, hadde det skjedd tidligere.

Ænivæis, det var jo så vakkert. Jeg gjetta hva the missing link mellom Harry og Voldy var omkring midten, da, men det var jo bare en bagatell. Og slutten var en eneste stor klisjé, men herregud, det var da en opplevelse, dere! Jeg forstår med hele mitt hjerte hva folk fuzzer sånn om, og for meg ustråler hele serien bare ett eneste stort og deilig ord: leseglede. Jeg begynte å grine opptil flere ganger - altså, joda, jeg begynner lett å grine når jeg leser, lettere enn når jeg for eksempel ser film, men likevel - og det var ikke nødvendigvis fordi det var trist, men fordi det var så mange andre følelser. Overalt! Hele tida! Og jeg må ikke spoile noe, nei. Må ikke det. Skal ikke det.

Men var det nødvendig å ta livet av så mange godtfolk? Ah. All the more emotions, elns.

(Og oh, husker dere denne fyren? Jeg møtte ham igjen i går. På bussen da og, ja. Hell og lykke som jeg er velsigna med, går han på den skolen som ligger 500 meter unna den jeg går på. Denne gangen var jeg i det minste med Alex, og vi holdt på å dævve av latter da vi så ham, bare fordi han er så... rar. Jeg mener, fordommer til side, 165 cm høye gutter med hip hop-klær fra en annen verden som går og headbanger mens de synger "mm-tsj-mm-tsj-mm-tsj" for seg sjøl, det hele uten headset, er faktisk intet annet enn komisk. Alex var derimot særs lite forståelsesfull da vi kom på bussen, og tok på sitt eget headset og så en annen vei. Fyren kjente meg tydeligvis ikke igjen fra sist, og begynte på nytt med avhøret sitt, og denne gangen hadde visst rektor trua med å ringe til politiet fordi han hadde gjort ett eller annet. Og jeg sleit så fælt med å holde meg alvorlig hele tida, og jeg innså jo at det var litt feil ting å gjøre, for å se vekk idet han ser på meg og smile kan jo gi litt feil signaler, men herregud.)

Gjetthvagjetthvagjetthva!

"'What did he do to you, Diddy?' Aunt Petunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. 'Was it - was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use - his thing?'"

Nå er jeg litt sikker på at Ingrid, Eva, Vibeke, Ingrid Marie, Karen, Håkon og hele resten av gjengen, som involverer de aller fleste jeg kjenner, faktisk, blir litt glade. Jeg har vært sjuk ganske lenge nå, og borte fra skolen siden tirsdag. Og hva gjør man da? Jo, man leser. Og siden jeg tenkte at now's as good a time as any, tusla jeg inn på rommet til Vibeke, fant noen bøker (fordi hun sa det var greit, så!) og leste litt. Og plutselig leste jeg veldig mye. Og veldig fort. Og jeg er direkte kjempestolt av meg sjøl. Jeg mener, jeg leser utilgivelig sakte. Jeg er sikker på at folk for eksempel ikke engang ser på meg som ekte fan av Ringenes Herre, fordi jeg brukte tre måneder på den, og ikke to uker, som jeg kjenner noen andre som har. Og det var på norsk, til og med. Men her gikk det unna tre - firehundre sider om dagen, altså. Og nå er jeg på Order of the Phoenix. Og Karen hadde helt rett: jeg har blitt veldig glad i tvillingene. Og jeg ser forhold overalt. Men det kan vi alltids spare til et seinere innlegg.