Når "wand" blir til "penis"

Hvis man er fan av Harry Potter og samtidig henger unormalt mye på internett, er sjansen stor for at man har kommet over en av de morsomste tinga i hele verden - kunsten å bytte ut ordet "wand" med ordet "penis" i bøkene. Det har blitt gjort av Buzzfeed og av denne YouTuberen, og nå også av meg. Jepp, jeg har brukt dagen til å saumfare Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - den eneste Harry Potter-boka jeg har - på jakt etter morsomme wand-penis-setninger. Hey, jeg har vært sjuk de siste dagene - noe må jeg jo finne på.

Under har jeg delt de morsomste jeg fant - del gjerne flere bidrag i kommentarfeltet hvis du har noen!



   "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.

   "Oh well - I was at Hogwarts meself but I - er - got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me penis in half an' everything."

   "Hullo", said the boy, "Hogwarts too?"

   "Yes", said Harry.

   "My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at penises", said the boy. He had a bored, drawling voice.

   A magic penis... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

   The last shop was narrow and shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Maker of Fine Penises since 382 BC. A single penis lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window.

  "Good penis, that one. But I suppose they snapped it in half when you got expelled?" said Mr Ollivander, suddenly stern.

   "Er - yes, they did, yes", said Hagrid, shuffling his feet. "I've still got the pieces, though", he added brightly. 

   "But you don't use them?" said Mr Ollivander sharply. 

   "Oh, no, sir", said Hagrid quickly. Harry noticed he gripped his pink umbrella very tightly as he spoke.

   "Well, now - Mr Potter. Let me see." He pulled a long tape measure with silver markings out of his pocket. "Which is your penis arm?"

   "Er - well, I'm right-handed", said Harry.

   Harry took the penis and (feeling foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr Ollivander snatched it out of his hand almost at once.

   Hagrid must have forgotten to tell him something you had to do, like tapping the third brick on the left to get into Diagon Alley. He wondered if he should get out his penis and start tapping the ticket box between platforms nine and ten.

   Dumbledore gave his penis a little flick as if he was trying to get a fly off the end and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself snake-like into words.

   There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your penis and saying a few funny words.

   "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making", he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word - like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort. "As there is little foolish penis-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic."

   There was uproar. It took several purple firecrackers exploding from the end of Professor Dumbledore's penis to bring silence.

   Harry then did something that was both very brave and very stupid: he took a great running jump and managed to fasten his arms around the troll's neck from behind. The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's penis had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

   He bent down and pulled his penis out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy grey glue.

   "Urgh - troll bogies."

   He wiped it on the troll's trousers.

   Snape gave Harry a swift, piercing look. Harry looked at the floor. He wished Ron would put his penis down.

   "Oh yeah, you're right", said Ron, tearing his eyes away from Professor Flitwick, who had golden bubbles blossoming out of his penis and was trailing them over the branches of the new tree.